1 x fat man, 2 x tramp and the ever-lasting smell of tabacco.

THURSDAY night seen a number of those typical pain-in-the-backside customers that usually seem to blame their behaviour on the hot weather.

I sat on checkout 15 and within the first 15 minutes of my shift I had served four customers that were really testing my patience

Two of which were these.

"Hello there" I said to the customer, but received no response, "Would you like any help with your packing?" No response again. Maybe not then, I thought to myself as I scanned through the shopping of the white haired fat man, who was an even English!

I pressed the subtotal button and didn't even ask if we wanted anything else. He slapped the money in my hand and grabbed the receipt before walking off.

Obviously didn't like the look of me.

The next customer just looked at the man with a confused face as if to ask what was that all about?

I chose to let to go over my head until 2 customers later...

A tall smelly man approached the till. "Would you like any help with your packing?" I asked. He replied "Err yeah actually I can't be bothered" so I'm thinking you lazy b******.

What these customers don't understand is that, although we offer to pack their bags, as we should, we also have a scanning rate to meet. 22 items were minute. In my opinion it is difficult to give good customer service when feeling under pressure.

So I opened a bag and began to scan the shopping fast while putting it into the bags. By this point another smelly man, who stunk of skunk or some
form of roll-up, approached the till and said "F*ckin' 'ell, stop throwing my bottles of coke in the bag, f*cking hell, hu-hu-mmm, f*cking err it will explode."

I just thought to myself oh f*ck off speaking to somebody like that. "I'm sure it's quite durable" I replied with a confused face, and then said "That's 21.96 then please" but obviously their smell wasn't not only blocking my nose but their hearing too, you know ear, nose and throat they're all connected, because surprising they just had to ask "how much is it?" Mid-way through me telling them.


For the record I wasn't throwing them in the bag, they just bumped off of the metal desk.

I took this pic to make sure I would remember to write this blog.

These are like vile types of human beings.

Talking of drivers...(see last post)

YESTERDAY, I was on a dual carriageway, again, in the outside lane, when the road started to filter into one lane.

I put my indicator on in good time and seen the car behind me, in the left hand, had started launching in front, as I turned my head to the left I seen this old lady driving, gripping onto her steering wheel as she floored it in front.

Poor woman was trying to stop her teeth falling out and all, could have killed us both like, but as well as she's got her teeth in that's alright.

Drivers

THE AMOUNT of irritating drivers on the road is becoming increasingly different to deal with.

I don't know whether they're just being busy-bodies or just plain idiots, with nothing better to do, but all I find myself doing is mouthing the words 'OH F*CK OFF' in my rear view mirror as they flap their hands in anger while I simply overtake on a dual carriageway.

I've been driving my 4 years now and it becomes even more frustrating, when overtaking, when I'm doing the correct speed limit, using my indicator in good time and gradually moving into the lane when there is plenty of room to do so. I then find that when looking in my rear view mirror they're huffing and puffing while flapping their hands.

I had just this this morning, while in a bad mood, and soon as I mouthed those 3 words this taxi driver pulled back - you have to be careful though.

Last week I was overtaking a lorry on a dual carriageway, you know, those heavy goods vehicles that aren't meant to be going as fast as you. I went into the outside lane and overtook while with my indicator on and moving in gradually. I then met with a car in front that began to slow down, with no other option I then began to slow down too.

The lorry behind me then decided to speed up to the back of my car while we were travelling at about 60 mph and as he approached faster I found that I had to slow down because the car in front was too. The lorry driver then began to flash his lights at me and continue to travel while tail-gating my car.

I then indicated and began pulling in as I drove up the next slip road, the lorry then had to opportunity to drive on but of course he didn't. He then chose to travel the same speed as me so that we were both neck and neck. Before the slip road ran out the driver them pulled back, swerved into the slip road as if to try and scare me and then pulled back out onto the dual carriage way and went on. Surely that is far worse than simply indicating and overtaking in good time?

Another thing that gets to me about other road users, is that you do not need your vehicle lights on until its dark or visibility reduces, yet people are forever flashing me to put my lights on when its practically still day light!

Get a flipping life.

If you work in Asda surely you should understand?

WORKING alone, once again, on the cigerette kiosk I stood and served the customers as quickly and effiently as possible but due to the size of my ever-growing queue and with the lack of staff or support, there really was nothing else I could do, but manage.

One customer I served, who shops with us all the time, actually works in Asda. He approached the desk with his male partner and walking stick, despite being late 20's, and asked for his usual cigerette's. As I scanned the product and pressed the subtotal button the phone began ringing regarding an enquiry I had made for another customer who was waiting. I said to the customer: "That's £6.26 then please" as I answered the phone.

While the other customer I was attending to had been waiting at the customer service desk, this customer stood glaring at the card reader. While I answered the phone and began talking to a member of security I said "If you'd just like to enter your card please" to which he continued to glare at the card reader, while the person on the phone was talking, I questioned if he had asked for something else, what was wrong?

Finishing the call quickly I put the phone down and while confused I said: "So that's £6.26 then please." The customer replied "Sorry, I just think its rude to be on the phone while doing your job."

I looked at his boyfriend, who didn't look at all embarrased by the comment made, and replied "As you can see I'm on my own with two jobs to do and I'm afraid there's not a lot else I can do." As he inserted his card he clearly didn't expect my honest and abubt response so he said: "Oh, I know its not your fault, don't worry."

I thought to myself, well, funnily enough you said it at me and it was directed to something I had done so it was actually quite rude of him to pull me up infront of a queue of customers especially when he works in an environment exactly the same as I do.
I understand is point of view, but as a member of staff working in the same industry, I would have thought he would have taken the correct steps and asked to speak with a member of management.

Thankfully to him I was left with an even longer queue and a bad mood I had to put up with.

Tired, hungover and high?!

ALMOST every customer has something to say that pisses me off.

I'm always being asked "Did you have a late night last night? Did you go out last night? and telling me that I look really tired." I always find myself saying "Aw yeah, I was out" and "Ohhh I know, I should be going out late" When really I had an early night and have no idea what they are on about.

So lately I've taken a different approach laughing while replying "No, but thanks for the insult." But last Thursday, this chap in particular reached an all time high, I was serving him at the kiosk, you know for the tobacco which he typically didn't know the name of and spent time um'ing and ar'ing, "Are you high?" he asked. I replied "sorry?" "Are you high mate?" with a concerning voice.

"AM I F*CKING HIGH?!"

I replied: "No, I'm not high, I'm just tired and fed up."

Today, I was on checkout 16, a man and woman approached my till and the woman said "You look like you really enjoy your job" as she laughed away. So I laughed and said "Oh, I absolutely love it." She asked: "Did you go out last night?" and of course to add abit of variety to the same repeatitive conversation I said "Yeah, I was....."

"Oh, that's why you look hungover then," so I thought, hold on a minute, you're not getting away with that insult, let's put you on the spot so I replied: "Haha, well that's funny because I wasn't drinking."

"Oh well you look hungover anyway"

As the conversation progressed I found that the couple seemed quite tipsy. They were one of those "f*ck off and leave me alone" couples.

How about, come in, get your shopping, buy it and leave me alone. It's always the same old thing.

Bad influence

OLD people always say that youth's are the bad influence on young generations. They're not.

Yesterday at work I served an elderly couple their shopping while asking them the usual questions. "Would you like a bag for life? Would you like any normal carrier bags? And would you like any help with your packing?"

After pressing subtotal and telling the couple the price, the lady inserted her card into the machine and typed in her pin. A message appeared on my screen saying 'card error,' while the lady was asking repeatedly "Is it done? I haven't got my glasses" I replied saying: "It's saying card error I'm afraid, would you like to re-insert the card and see if it works this time. It's probably just the machine. Sorry about that."

As the gentlemen huffed and puffed "Oh for God sake," the lady re-inserted her card, re-entered her pin and removed her card when the machine had said to do so. The receipt printed- declined.

I said "It's said your card has declined I'm affraid, do you have any other way of paying?" The woman who at this stage started to panic and become defensive said: "What? What? But it said remove card!" I replied "The machine always appears to say remove card but unfortunately the receipt as printed saying declined. I'm really sorry about this." The lady then said: "Is the card still in date? I haven't got my glasses?"

I wondered how she could see the the machine's message which said 'remove card' yet couldn't see the expiry date on her card.

The man who had been twittering and walking back and forth around his wife, then huffed and puffed just a little bit more and said I will just pay the money.

I apoligsed again, while he then threw a twenty-pound-note, a ten-pound-note, three one-pound-coins and two one-pence-coins all individually up the slope of my checkout, at the same time I had my hand out waiting to be handed the money.

He then said "Sorry," which at this point I had lost all good manners and I didn't respond. I was then sitting at my checkout chasing all the money up and down the slope as he pushed it back up and it rolled back down - repeatedly.

The gentlemen then said: "Well, I didn't design the checkout did I?" To which I said nothing, counted the money, handed them the receipt and thanked them as I should.

I was left to question how some people think it's perfectly acceptable to treat a young lad this way, yet it's not alright to treat them the exact same way.

Absolutely shocking.

Are you stupid?

ONE month on from the installation of the sliding doors and the confusion at our kiosk is still around. Instead of seeing the disgusting product, customers are now faced with the task of using their inititive, brains and eyes and we all know how difficult these functions are. Having to read and start additional tasks such as reading the folder marked 'Tobacco pricelist' which I like to call the "menu."

The signs upon our doors simply read 'Kiosk open' and 'Please ask a collegue for your chosen product." Despite these signs, people are left wondering up to the counter like a rabbit in highlights, lost, shocked, dewildered and thinking the world is coming to an end, as they ask: "Are you still selling cigerettes?"

Err, are you having a f**king laugh?

This one particular day a man in his late twenties approached me and said: "Hu, huu, huu, err, are you selling cigerettes? And so judging by his sence of humour, I turned around, pushed a door open and responded with shock "Noooo!"

He started laughing and said: "Err, can I have..................so ARE you selling cigerettes?"

Are you seriously stupid?

Last Thursday I had four customers do this. It's so not funny.